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5 Ways to Give Your Career (and Your Loved Ones) More Attention in 2010
Interactions today are fleeting. Information availability is overwhelming. Our attention is diverted easily as we are inundated with competing demands on our cognitive and emotional resources.
I, for one, want 2010 to be about quality (not quantity). My New Year’s resolution is to practice mindfulness – to live moment and be more present.
As I mentioned in a previous blog post, psychologists Kirk Warren Brown and Richard Ryan found that mindfulness increases individuals’ psychological well-being and lowers stress (The Benefits of Being Present: Mindfulness and Its Role in Psychological Well-Being, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2003, Vol. 84, No. 4, 822–848). Being mindful has the added benefits of allowing you to offer more of yourself to those you love and to improve your own well-being.
Would you like to join me and resolve to be more mindful in 2010? If so, I would encourage you to try the following five suggestions:
- Plan to Increase Your Mindfulness. Make being mindful a conscious decision in the non-work spheres of your life. For example, before dinner, think about the activity of being fully present at the dinner table. During the meal, if your attention starts to drift, try to catch yourself and bring your attention and awareness back to where you are. Be intentional about making an extra effort to do this whenever you are engaging with a loved one, even in the most mundane situations.
- Clear the Mental Decks. If there is something pressing that will keep you from focusing your attention, try to clear your mental deck before engaging with your loved ones. For example, do not return your loved one’s call in the middle of the day when you know you will have many things on your mind. Instead, wait for a time when your work is at a lull and it is easier to be fully present.
- Fully Engage in the Active Moments. If you stay present in the moments requiring your interaction, you will learn more about the details of the lives of your loved ones and derive more intense emotions from the experience. Get into the habit of asking sincere and non-judgmental questions about what your loved one is doing or discussing. For example, as you stay “in the moment” during a conversation, try not to evaluate but instead to listen and inquire out of curiosity and a desire for clarification. Asking such questions will encourage your active attention and help you to empathize more fully with your loved one.
- Savor the Passive Moment. Gurus in mindfulness encourage us to be present and savor the simplest acts of our lives: the feeling of the water in the shower, the taste of our toast in the morning, the fragrance of the garden when we arrive home. Personally, since I am not sophisticated with meditation or mindfulness, I prefer to begin with some of life’s bigger things. (Frankly, while I know I am frustrating every expert in mindfulness and meditation, I often get my best career-related ideas in the shower.) Starting from a more basic place, savor the moments you have with your spouse or partner, children, extended family, and friends. Enjoy the experience of playing a sport, engaging in a hobby. As you practice the habit of focusing more of your attention and awareness into the experience, you will become more present.
- Take Nothing for Granted. Simple acts of kindness, compassion, and gratitude will also help focus us more to the moments in all of the spheres of our lives. If you remember to say “thank you” for the simplest of things, you experience greater joy from the simplest of things.
Happy New Year Everyone!
Paula
This weekend we went away to the beach with no cell phones and no lap top. I could concentrate on my family and friends 100%. And guess what - the other world did not fall apart without me. I am going to take more of this kind of time. While technology has become our best friend in many ways, in has become our enemy in others. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to go back to life without technology. I just want to pick and choose when to turn it off. I feel the most relaxed I have felt in months and months.
I think this is a very eye-opening topic for me. I have ADD and it seems to consume my life on so many levels. I feel I get too distracted by little things and it has taken me away from so many things that are important to me. My kids, my husband and just the everyday things that I should be doing and could be enjoying. My husband and I use to go out more and we use to do things with people. I think I just found my New Years resolution to my self. I love my life, but I think I have missed out on too much of it because I have not been mindful of those little moments I miss by being to caught up in my computer, my TV or just doing absolutely nothing. What is that about.. Nothing.. I don't know why I enjoy this so much. I know I can improve my life and my happiness by doing something. I will take this advise and I will put it to good use. Happy New Year to all. Here's to a better 2010!!!
I think this is a very eye-opening topic for me. I have ADD and it seems to consume my life on so many levels. I feel I get too distracted by little things and it has taken me away from so many things that are important to me. My kids, my husband and just the everyday things that I should be doing and could be enjoying. My husband and I use to go out more and we use to do things with people. I think I just found my New Years resolution to my self. I love my life, but I think I have missed out on too much of it because I have not been mindful of those little moments I miss by being to caught up in my computer, my TV or just doing absolutely nothing. What is that about.. Nothing.. I don't know why I enjoy this so much. I know I can improve my life and my happiness by doing something. I will take this advise and I will put it to good use. Happy New Year to all. Here's to a better 2010!!!
During the last couple of months I've experienced a lot of stress trying to juggle my roles of being a single mother to a one year old, a full time student, and pleasing my mother, my grandparents, and my siblings. I am struggling to say the least to finish my college education, be a good mother, and merge my ideas for my life as a single mother with my mothers ideas for my life as a single mother. Everyone is good at pointing out all of things I haven't accomplished in the day and are full of ways in how I should parent my child. I have always wanted to be both a mother and career woman while my mother would rather I stay at home and be a full time mom for as long as possible. Being single doesn't bother me and seems to be ideal for me to reach my future goals. However, my mother is deeply afraid of daycare and how someone may treat my child if I am not there watching them. I understand her concerns but also feel the burden of having little help. The tension between my mother's ideas and my ideas as well as trying to complete my education while being responsible for a young child as left me guilty of not actively engaging in the activities I am forced to do with loved ones. When I spend time with my family I think about all of the house work, like laundry, washing dishes, and school work that I am falling behind in. I think I will try to take more time to live in the moments that I spend with family and be a little more gratefully for them. I will start actively reminding myself that my families criticism is well intending and coming out of love. Who knows maybe actively engaging in the activities I am doing will give me a much needed break and help lessen some of the stress I feel.
This article hit home a little too much. My new years resolution is also about mindfulness in my life. Being grateful for what I have and who I have in my life. Trying to appreciate and be happy with simple things such as the smell of the garden or a fresh cup of coffee in the morning. These days people are drowning in materialistic pleasure and are never fully satisfied with their lives. I made a decision....I do not want to be that kind of person. Actively participating in activities is where the fun and pleasure are, if you rush through things like a conversation or a game you will never fully understand how special these things are to your life. I often find myself letting my mind wander when talking with my partner or friends. I have wondered how to stop doing this because I feel cold and insincere while trying to engage in a conversation. I will take your advice. I guess I have the first step down and relive I do it...now I just have to pay attention and keep my mind focused on the situation at hand. I thank you for your insight as it will help me to push on with my plan for 2010.
This article hit home a little too much. My new years resoultion is also about mindfullness in my life. Being grateful for what I have and who I have in my life. Trying to appreciate and be happy with simple things such as the smell of the garden or a fresh cup of coffee in the morning. These days people are drowning in materialistic pleasure and are never fully satisfied with their lives. I made a decision....I do not want to be that kind of person. Actively partcipating in actvities is where the fun and pleasure are, if you rush through things like a conversation or a game you will never fully understand how special these things are to your life. I often find myself letting my mind wander when talking with my partner or friends. I have wondered how to stop doing this becuase I feel cold and insincere while trying to engage in a conversation. I will take your advice. I guess I have the first step doiwn and relive I do it...now I just have to pay attention and keep my mind focused on the situation at hand. I thank you for your insight as it will help me to push on with my plan for 2010.
I have experienced some of my greatest "ah-ha" monents in the shower, too, Paula. I think it stems from the relaxation a shower provides. It clears the way for some creativity.
You are right: mindfulness and an attitude of gratitude will improve the quality of the time you spend wherever you are--in conversation, in quiet times, and in activites. Doesn't it seem like a little mindfulness goes a long way? A short, mindful interaction can provide a sense of satisfaction and peace, while an interaction that is just one aspect of our mult-itasking can actually add stress to our lives.
I'll join you in a resolution for mindfulness in the new year.
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