(If you would like background music for this graduation-themed blog post, please click this link.)

As a professor at Rutgers University, I have the annual springtime privilege of participating in the graduation ceremony with my faculty colleagues and our graduating students. The cap defies every hairstyle, the gown is heavy (and is particularly warm in an over-crowded gym), and the hood chokes, regardless of how carefully I anchor it in the front. The ceremony is long. Parking is maddening.

Despite the practical challenges of this annual ritual, Pomp and Circumstance is still inexplicably exhilarating for me and I can count on the fact that each graduation will deliver at least one incredibly powerful moment (strong enough to fully erase any memory of mild annoyances for another year).

When I am writing (and in a creative groove), I have no concept of time. When I conduct statistical analysis for my research (and results are interesting), I forget to sleep. When I speak to a group (and really connect with the audience), I forget that I am introverted. Does this sound odd, or can you relate? Have you ever been so engaged with your task that you lose track of time, any sense of hunger or fatigue? If so, you have achieved a state of flow.

The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term “flow” to describe the state people achieve when they are so enjoying what they are doing that they become completely absorbed in an activity. Flow occurs when your skill-level and challenge-level are both high – and it is the key to happiness according to Csikszentmihalyi and his colleagues.

The parable of the Mexican fisherman was hanging in my office for years. Do you remember it?

Recently, I decided to take it down because I believe it serves to reinforce a fallacy many people have about work-life balance, suggesting we cannot have both a successful career and life satisfaction. (That's hooey.) I have observed hundreds who have provided ample evidence that you can have both, provided (and this is a big provision) you stay in control of your career.

Before I continue, I should first share The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman:

The Parable of The Mexican Fisherman

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

No. Seriously. This was the line from a party invitation my husband George and I attended about 7 years ago thrown by some dear friends to celebrate a friend’s 40th birthday. It was a great party – a brilliant idea. I can still remember part of the conversation George and I had about our costumes:

George: "What is your life's lost ambition? Is there something you wanted to be that you will never be?"

Me (after a pause): "Tall"

George: "The costume?"

Me: "I’ll wear heels and bring a step stool."

George (concerned): "You’ll probably twist an ankle. Anything else?"

My husband George and I arrived in Hawaii very late on Monday night to start a well-deserved vacation in a place we both love. On Tuesday morning, I received a call that my dear friend Frank passed away -- cancer. He died in the arms of his wife Kylie and two daughters and is no longer in pain. He died having lived a fabulous life.

We visited Frank just before we left and he smiled widely when we told him where we were going. (The last time we vacationed in Hawaii was 2 years ago with him and Kylie.) At the end of our visit, I gave Frank a hug and a kiss, told him I loved him, said “good-bye” and that “I would miss him in Hawaii”. I guess I could have left off “in Hawaii”.