I was once told a story by a friend and very well known psychologist from Stanford. He was driving from his home in San Francisco to teach in Palo Alto. He picked up a hitchhiker as he got on the highway and began his 45 minute journey. The young man was pleasant and my friend started a conversation by simply asking where his new passenger was going? The guy was brief and said, “South.” That answer stood for a minute or two when my colleague asked the same question only to get the exact same reply.

The last blog post was about analyzing your pride experiences to get a better sense of your natural talents and abilities, the things you do you do better than most people, and your work values and preferences. The hope for this set of blog posts is that they will collectively provide you with various ways to gain insight about yourself and your ideal career. Once your talents, work values, etc. are identified, the overarching goal is to work in a career where you can leverage them in order to feel greater engagement and fulfillment from work.

Are you able to name your natural talents and abilities, the things you do you do better than most people? Do you leverage those in your career? If you are like many, the answer is “no” and “I don’t know.”

It seems logical that you would want your career to leverage your natural talents and abilities. It is simple, right? If you have great communication skills and are extroverted, you might enjoy customer service (and would likely feel unfulfilled working alone or only interacting with a computer). If you are very calm under pressure and like an adrenaline rush, you may thrive in a face-paced profession (one in which others would quickly burnout).

Every New Year’s Eve I make a resolution, either to get in shape or be more organized. These two resolutions have been in rotation for so many years you’d think I should be both fantastically tone and brilliantly organized. I am neither.

Several years of research in the area of goal-setting have found that, in terms of goal attainment, setting specific and measurable goals is more effective than setting general goals, especially when a task is not overly complex.

Rather than my fleeting burst of annual midnight motivation, this year I will make a more specific resolution. For example, my 2011 resolution might be to attend three Zumba classes each week or clear my desk at the end of each day (in an effort to stay more organized). Maybe both – I still have a few days to decide.

Are you making a resolution this year?

This past Saturday my husband George, a chiropractor, entered a demolition derby in the rural community near our lake house. (Please enjoy the irony of a chiropractor participating in a sport dedicated to car crashes.)

George’s pit crew consisted of our dear friend Mark, a fellow PhD and brilliant academic, who has over 30 years of auto racing experience. Thanks to Mark, the car was working well and George was suited-up from head to toe in fire-retardant racing gear. (Personally, I think George looked like a cute Power Ranger but you can be the judge of that from the photo.)

(If you would like background music for this graduation-themed blog post, please click this link.)

As a professor at Rutgers University, I have the annual springtime privilege of participating in the graduation ceremony with my faculty colleagues and our graduating students. The cap defies every hairstyle, the gown is heavy (and is particularly warm in an over-crowded gym), and the hood chokes, regardless of how carefully I anchor it in the front. The ceremony is long. Parking is maddening.

Despite the practical challenges of this annual ritual, Pomp and Circumstance is still inexplicably exhilarating for me and I can count on the fact that each graduation will deliver at least one incredibly powerful moment (strong enough to fully erase any memory of mild annoyances for another year).

When I am writing (and in a creative groove), I have no concept of time. When I conduct statistical analysis for my research (and results are interesting), I forget to sleep. When I speak to a group (and really connect with the audience), I forget that I am introverted. Does this sound odd, or can you relate? Have you ever been so engaged with your task that you lose track of time, any sense of hunger or fatigue? If so, you have achieved a state of flow.

The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term “flow” to describe the state people achieve when they are so enjoying what they are doing that they become completely absorbed in an activity. Flow occurs when your skill-level and challenge-level are both high – and it is the key to happiness according to Csikszentmihalyi and his colleagues.

The parable of the Mexican fisherman was hanging in my office for years. Do you remember it?

Recently, I decided to take it down because I believe it serves to reinforce a fallacy many people have about work-life balance, suggesting we cannot have both a successful career and life satisfaction. (That's hooey.) I have observed hundreds who have provided ample evidence that you can have both, provided (and this is a big provision) you stay in control of your career.

Before I continue, I should first share The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman:

The Parable of The Mexican Fisherman

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

No. Seriously. This was the line from a party invitation my husband George and I attended about 7 years ago thrown by some dear friends to celebrate a friend’s 40th birthday. It was a great party – a brilliant idea. I can still remember part of the conversation George and I had about our costumes:

George: "What is your life's lost ambition? Is there something you wanted to be that you will never be?"

Me (after a pause): "Tall"

George: "The costume?"

Me: "I’ll wear heels and bring a step stool."

George (concerned): "You’ll probably twist an ankle. Anything else?"

My husband George and I arrived in Hawaii very late on Monday night to start a well-deserved vacation in a place we both love. On Tuesday morning, I received a call that my dear friend Frank passed away -- cancer. He died in the arms of his wife Kylie and two daughters and is no longer in pain. He died having lived a fabulous life.

We visited Frank just before we left and he smiled widely when we told him where we were going. (The last time we vacationed in Hawaii was 2 years ago with him and Kylie.) At the end of our visit, I gave Frank a hug and a kiss, told him I loved him, said “good-bye” and that “I would miss him in Hawaii”. I guess I could have left off “in Hawaii”.