Reviewed by Kathryn Atwood for Midwest Book Review

After her 20-year marriage ended, Dr. Paula Caligiuri was, at the age of 52, single and ready to mingle. But as she states so humorously in her new book, everything she knew about dating, including advice from well-meaning friends, had “expired.” She needed a new game plan with a new set of rules. She found it via her own profession as a behavioral scientist. Because Dr. Caligiuri had already spent more than three decades “studying what helps people succeed in unfamiliar contexts,” she utilized her own coined term—“cultural agility”—or adaptability, to the unfamiliar world of midlife dating. Not only did she eventually find lasting love, but she wrote a book: “Dating Again: Field Tested, Science-Backed Secrets for Finding Love (and Sanity) in Your Second Act.”

The chapters of “Dating Again” are organized under the following headings:

Part 1: Overcome What Holds You Back

Part 2: Know Yourself

Part 3: Get Out There

Part 4: Sex and Desire

Part 5: Endings and Beginnings

Although “Dating Again” is, as the subtitle suggests, backed by scientific research, and although its author is a PhD, its tone is geared for the general reader. It includes a plethora of sidebars as well as a thematically related mixtape for each chapter. For instance, the mixtape for Chapter Three: “Tame Your Fear of Rejection” is as follows:

  1. The First Cut Is the Deepest – Rod Stewart

  2. Foolish Heart – Steve Perry

  3. What’s Love Got to Do with It – Tina Turner

  4. Alone – Heart

  5. Feelin’ Stronger Every Day – Chicago

  6. Desperado – Eagles

  7. The Rose – Bette Midler

  8. Open Your Heart – Madonna

  9. Hit Me with Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar

  10. I’m Still Standing – Elton John

The real strength of the book are the examples taken from the 65+ dates Dr. Caligiuri went on. She utilizes her experiences to support each point of her text, sometimes in a vastly entertaining and memorable way. For instance, in chapter 8, titled, “Recognize Your Romantic Blind Spots,” she states that “Biology is bossy. Sometimes your brain takes one look at a good-looking stranger and whispers, Yes, that one.”

She then relates a story about an extraordinarily handsome guy, “Gerry,” who she communicated with via video calls. When they finally decided to meet in person, it became clear that Gerry’s good looks were not connected to a considerate personality. As he took his dogs for a walk, he left his date trailing behind, doing her best to avoid diarrheal bursts emanating from one of the dogs. Apparently, biology can lie.

And Dr. Caligiuri’s writing is often just plain funny:

“It took me a few weeks, but I slowly appreciated that this 15-year-old Civic [her date’s car] was, in a way, the perfect metaphor for Jeff himself: practical, reliable, and not remotely concerned with impressing anyone. The night of our first date, that elderly Civic became the scene of an unexpected revelation: Jeff wasn’t only good at engineering. He was also very good at chemistry. Our first kiss had no business being that good in a car that had no business hosting it.”

“Dating Again” contains a wealth of easily accessible scientific information that Dr. Caligiuri deftly illustrates with a plethora of entertaining dating stories. It is certain to be enormously helpful to those seeking love on the other side of 40.